We all want to protect our kids, but doing this in the wrong ways can have the opposite effect.
I think we have kind of gotten carried away with wanting to do better then our parents did with us, or even just doing it different with our own kids, more free range, laid back parenting, and over protecting them.
I have often wondered why there is so much depression and anxiety in young kids and adolescents these days. Is it just more recognized or is it the way this younger generation is raising their kids?
When we coddle and do for our kids what they can do for themselves it teaches them to be dependent on us parents in so many ways that aren’t going to benefit them what so ever.
If we start to build them up with a good foundation we can help them to be mentally strong! When they are mentally strong they can make themselves happy. They don’t need things or others to do it for them. I think of this kind of like teaching our children to choose happiness. This will have life long effects.
The Do’s and Don’ts
One of the top Do’s on my list for building mentally strong balanced kids is: do carry on with your day, plans, or meal of your choosing. Do not let your children dictate your life. For instance, when they don’t want to do any of the things you need to do that day, they have to learn to find the fun in it. Your world should not revolve around them in that way. You can ask for there two cents on some special occasions, but not everyday or what’s for dinner, etc.
Next on my list is: when your child is obviously not happy and pouting or sitting out of something everyone else is doing, do not give them attention for that. Usually something is not going their way so they want you to change it for them, but they need to work through it. By all means if you can offer advice to them that’s great. I’m not saying don’t be there for your kids through tough times.
There is no need for you to be responsible for your child’s emotions. It is not your job to cheer them up. If that is what you do then they will always sit and pout, feeling sorry for themselves and wait for you to make them feel better. They need to learn to choose to be happy on their own.
Responsibility is a big one as well! Making sure they have chores not only gives them a responsibility but it helps them have a sense of achievement as well.
As they get older, teenage years, whether or not they need a job financially they need to work outside the home. This teaches them in a lot of different ways. Learning from someone else and really being a responsible employee. They will have a new appreciation for their time when they are not working and all that your or your husband do.
Letting our children fail can be hard, but it is important to do. Failing is good on several levels. Being challenged instills hard work and when they do fail it will teach them how to cope in that situation and build resilience so they will try again. When they fail never condone victim behavior!
Helping your child set goals is great! Just be sure they are reachable and this can really help them see if they put in hard work hey can achieve anything!
Don’t compare yourself or your family to others! I feel like this is only done often if the parents are the ones doing it to begin with. Sometimes kids will start to do it because they want something their friends have. Remind them not to do this and to be happy with who they are.
Negative talk about yourself has a huge impact on your kids, especially your daughters! I made it a point once my daughter was born 13 years ago to never talk down on myself in front of her! This actually helped me out as well! It’s not healthy to talk negatively about ourselves. We need to teach acceptance and self love.
Do not parent out of guilt! Wait and reward them for being good or achieving something they have been working on.
Making sure your child is active is so important and not just once or twice a week! On a regular basis, doing something active everyday is healthy and good for the brain!
For older kids (teens) studies have shown that exercise positively impacts their levels of serotonin, which is a chemical that regulates mental health. It’s shown that exercise releases endorphins, which is your bodies natural happy chemical and lowers stress hormones.
Studies have shown that children that have had more physical activity sessions in a week had more brain activity. Exercise alone has shown to benefit executive function, brain activity, and depression! That one holds so much power! Ref: PsychiatricTimes.com
In another article I read, Robert Locke MBE health enthusiasts specializing in children’s health who has written books on anxiety and depression, referred to children that are spoiled having bouts of anxiety and depression. He also says they often have trouble in friendships and with relationships.
By all means I am not saying your child is depressed or has anxiety because of the way you raised them. I know it can have other causes that we may not be able to help. I just want to help inform parents of some ways to help build that mental strength up! To take a step in the right direction rather then no direction at all or the wrong direction.
Happy Parenting!
